csworky

“Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don’t buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!”

“I’m going to find the answer to a question that’s puzzled the world for centuries. Does Santa Claus sleep with his whiskers outside or in?” “Always sleep with them out. Cold air makes them grow.”

“What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”

“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favourite colour?”

“What is the matter with you? I thought mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain’t dead, lady. He’s hiding.”

“The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was…” “Naddafinga!”

“And that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus.”

“You got a statement from her, send her home.” “Oh, thanks, I’m beat. You know how it is…” “Yeah, yeah, sure. All dressed up and no one to blow.”

“Just because I cannot see it, doesn’t mean I can’t believe it!”

“Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots?”