“This book kicks ass. There’s this talking snake, and a naked chick, and then this dude puts a leaf on his schlong.” “Cool.”

“There’s a killer loose, a killer loose!”

“She was great, she was beautiful.” “Yeah, I liked it. She made me want to go out and buy rubbers right now.”

“Just because a man’s lying down doesn’t mean he’s dead!”

“And if one does what God does enough times, one will become as God is.”

“One of us, one of us! Gooble Gobble, Gooble Gobble! We accept her, we accept her.” #QOTD

“Don’t tell me! You’re from outer space.” “No, I’m from Iowa. I only work in outer space.” #QOTD

“You know the part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid, and everybody hates them for it? This is it.”

“Do not, my friends, become addicted to water. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence!”

“Who’s going to believe a talking head? Get a job in a sideshow.” #QOTD